Over and done

I took off my Claddagh ring a few hours ago. It's not like J gave it to me or anything, but it's still a painful reminder of how I'm back to being single again.

You'd think the way I talk about being single, I'd think it was the AIDS or something. No, it's not the worst thing ever. I'm not going to die from it, no. But what I've wanted more than anything for as long as I've been a living, breathing, conscious human being in this world is a loving, passionate, stable relationship. It's what I thrive most on, and its pursuit will probably bring death by broken heart. Bah.

I instinctively put on the Claddagh, heart-in on Thursday and Friday. I still want someone to be in love with me. Fuck it if it can't be J, but I refuse to return back to Patrick. It's true; I missed him a bit when J's and my future got super iffy, cos I never had to worry about where Patrick's heart was. But our relationship was worse than Katrina... Lots of emotional wreckage from a whirlwind of emotions.

I also welled up a bit at work a few hours ago. I, being bored out of my mind and finding myself no longer able to concentrate on the Bell Jar, opted to browse ThinkPotter. Stupid stupid Molee! But how was I to know that I'd find a post of J, declaring his singledom for all the female TP-ers (and Eman) to know as a semi-serious invitation to pursue the nude? It's a big and unexpected slap in the face to see him so happy to be without me again. Now I rue the day when I decided to ruin our pre-existing friendship by being with him. I'm not a big person. I want him as miserable as I am right now.

The final straw. :(

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

mols